First Cousin, Twice Removed was the 17th episode of Season 5 of Roseanne, also the 114th overall series episode. Written by Janice Jordan, the episode was directed by Andrew D. Weyman. It originally aired on ABC-TV on February 16, 1993.


Roseanne's snooty, wealthy cousin, Ronnie, comes to town, hoping to end the feud that began years ago when she did not put Roseanne in her wedding party. She encourages Darlene to take her savings and follow her to New York City.


Roseanne's wealthy cousin Ronnie, whom she hasn't seen in 25 years pays a visit to Lanford, and makes amends with her. During her visit, Darlene takes a liking to her "free" attitude towards life, and listens to her advice to leave home, and move to New York to pursue her dreams.


  • DJ: (at the Lunch Box talking to his friend about Jackie) She's new.
  • Jordan: Anything's better than having your mother here.
  • Roseanne: Hey, DJ. Hey, Jordan.
  • Jordan: (surprised to see Roseanne walk in the door) Ohh, Mrs. Conner, you look especially lovely, today!

  • Roseanne: (explaining to her cousin, Ronnie why she's held a grudge against her) You-you were suppose to go to New York, and, then, I was suppose to follow, and you were gonna get an apartment, and I was gonna come live with you, and, ya know, it was gonna be like "That Girl".

  • Roseanne: I was wrong to hate you all these years for not letting me be a bridesmaid at your wedding when there's a perfectly good reason to hate're a bitch!
  • Ronnie: Please, I bow down to the queen of all bitches.

  • Roseanne: I think my problem is that I could never really overcome my basic nurturing instinct. (Darlene begins to sit in a chair) Get the hell outta my chair!

  • Jackie: Brace yourself, Roseanne. Mom just called, someone's coming here. Someone you don't like.
  • Roseanne: That could be anybody.

  • Darlene: (looking at old, family photographs) Who's the little boy pulling the shirt up over his head?
  • Ronnie: That's Jackie.
  • Jackie: (bitterly) You said we were all gonna do it.
  • Ronnie: (to Roseanne) Do you still have the picture of her doing the panty-less cartwheel?

  • Roseanne: (confronting her cousin, Ronnie, about why she wasn't asked to be in her wedding) I mean, I only knew Nancy for one year, and she made me one of her bridesmaids.
  • Nancy: Yeah, but I don't have many friends.

  • Ronnie: The police were chasing her.
  • Darlene: The police were chasing you?
  • Ronnie: Why didn't you ever tell her any of this?
  • Roseanne: I was afraid it'd bring us closer together.

Roseanne: Season Five

Terms of Estrangement, Part 1|Terms of Estrangement, Part 2|The Dark Ages|Pretty in Black|Mommy Nearest|Looking for Loans in All the Wrong Places|Halloween IV|Ladies' Choice|Stand on Your Man|Good Girls, Bad Girls|Of Ice and Men|It's No Place Like Home for The Holidays|Crime and Punishment|War and Peace||Lanford Daze|Wait Till Your Father Gets Home|First Cousin, Twice Removed|Lose a Job, Winnebago|It's a Boy!|It Was Twenty Years Ago Today|Playing with Matches|Promises, Promises|Glengarry, Glen Rosey|Tooth or Consequences|Daughters and Other Strangers

Season episode guides

Season 1|Season 2|Season 3|Season 4|Season 5|Season 6|Season 7|Season 8|Season 9|Season 10