| Season 5: Episode 10|
(107 / 231 episodes)
|Air date||November 24, 1992|
|Written by||Amy Sherman|
|Directed by||Andrew D. Weyman|
Stand on Your Man
Of Ice and Men
Good Girls, Bad Girls was the 10th episode of Season 5 of Roseanne, also the 107th overall series episode. Written by Amy Sherman, the episode was directed by Andrew D. Weyman. It originally aired on ABC-TV on November 24, 1992.
Molly has an extra ticket for a rock concert and Roseanne reluctantly agrees to let Darlene go. When Darlene doesn't come home until 4AM, Roseanne doesn't quite believe her explanation that Molly ditched her to smoke pot in a stranger's van.
Darlene is happy to hear that her favorite rock band, Daisy Chainsaw is playing a concert in nearby Rockford. She is even happier to find out that she knows someone with an extra ticket, the only down side, is that it is Molly. Her timid older sister Charlotte is somewhat let down, when she watches her sister give away the ticket that she assumed was for her, but doesn't speak up. Roseanne takes notice though, and offers to make Darlene stay home, so that Charlotte could go instead; Charlotte graciously refuses. Even though the ticket is available, Darlene still had to beg, borrow, and deal to get Roseanne to agree to letting her go unsupervised.
After some fast talking on Molly's part, and a promise that they will be home on time, Roseanne agrees to let Darlene go. Dan is not so happy with the decision that Roseanne made without consulting him first, feeling like he has absolutely no say in the house, over anything. Roseanne assures him that this will be o.k, and he reluctantly drops the issue. In the meantime she befriends Charlotte, who is constantly baking and cooking; she tells Charlotte she is welcome to come over anytime, especially if she brings food.
On the night of the concert, all goes well, until the concert lets out, and the girls are out in the parking lot talking to a few guys. Molly (the designated driver) has clearly dressed for the occasion and is eager to join the guys for a joint. Darlene is her usual, synnical self, threatening one of the boys when he comes onto her; she makes it clear that she wants to leave, and that she needs to be home by curfew. Molly, unwilling to leave, tells her to relax and just have fun, but Darlene is uninterested in what is going on, and calls a taxi to take her home.
Dan is livid, walking the floor, waiting on Darlene to walk in the front door. Roseanne is getting worried, when headlights appear out front, and Darlene comes walking in, angry. Dan immediately begins to let fly at her for not calling, but Darlene is unfazed; she has seen this happen many times before with Becky. She asks them to spare the lecture, and explains that she was abandoned at the concert and unable to reach a phone, and if they didn't believe her, they could ask the taxi driver, who is waiting to get paid. Despite not being satisfied with this explanation, Roseanne gathers the grocery money, and heads out to pay, while Dan grabs the ringing phone. It was Molly, letting them know that they are on their way home as they speak. Smirking, Darlene says that she will take Roseanne's apology with her french toast in the morning. Roseanne and Dan are furious with Molly.
Molly's father pops in the following morning, explaining how dead tired he is, from working so many nights, and what a blessing his two angels are. He then tells the Conner's that Molly forgot her purse, and that is why they were so late getting home. Jackie comments that not all parents are so trusting.
Molly stops in later, still unaware that they are onto her. She tries to continue her charade, but Roseanne lays it all out on the line, saying, "when you leave the house with a Conner kid, that's precious cargo." She also lets her know that she owes her money (double) the cabfare. Molly agrees, and apologises, as well as offers to work off Darlene's cab fare at the diner.
- The name of the band Darlene and Molly went to see is Daisy Chainsaw.
- The TV Guide that Roseanne is holding while talking to Darlene about letting her go to the concert has a picture of Roseanne on the cover.
- Mr. Tilden: Daughters. They oughta come with a handbook.
- Dan: Yeah, so you can smack 'em with it.
- Darlene: Can we get out of here? It's been like, an hour and a half.
- Molly: It's my car and I'm not ready to go. I'm still looking for the perfect guy, okay.
- Darlene: Oh, it's a good thing we're in a parking lot full of drunken losers. It shouldn't be hard to spot that white horse.
- Dan: I'm gonna go stand in the middle of the street so the first thing Darlene sees when she pulls up is my head exploding.
- Molly: They're so cute. Which one do you want?
- Darlene: The one who'll kill you and stuff you into a trunk.
- [When Roseanne doesn't believe Darlene was abandoned and had to walk home until she found a cab]
- Darlene: Well if you don't believe me, why don't you go talk to the cab driver outside who's waiting on his $75 fee?
- Dan: Darlene, you'll be glad to know you're safe in a car with Molly and will be back home in two hours.
- Darlene: [to Roseanne smiling] I'll accept an apology over eggs and French toast in the morning [Roseanne glares at her]...or you could just ground me and that would be all right too.
- Darlene [when Sean tries to put his arm around her]: Any part of you that touches me, you're not getting back.
- Roseanne: Molly, Molly, Molly. I have raised two of the best damn liars in the free world.
- Roseanne [to Molly]: Since I'm not your mother, I'm not going to tell you how stupid it is to get in some stranger's van, and I'm also not going to tell you how horrible things happen to stupid little girls like you every single day.
- Molly: I don't need to listen to this. [tries to leave, but Roseanne stops her]
- Roseanne: Oh, but I think you do. You want to screw up your life fine, I don't care. But when you leave this house with a Conner kid you'd better be extra careful because Darlene is one of the few things we own outright.
- Darlene: Oh man, I feel like I'm in the middle of a really bad after-school special.