| Season 3: Episode 3|
(50 / 231 episodes)
|Air date||October 2, 1990|
|Written by||Brad Isaacs|
|Directed by||John Whitesell|
Friends and Relatives
Like, a New Job
Like, a Virgin was the 3rd episode of Season 3 of Roseanne, also the 50th overall series episode. Written by Brad Issacs, the episode was directed by John Whitesell. It originally aired on ABC-TV on October 2, 1990.
Roseanne decides it's time to give Becky "the talk" after she sees that Becky is getting more and more attention from 'edgier' boys. To her surprise, it's Darlene that is kissing and having a boyfriend- and making out on the couch while Roseanne and Dan are out. However, while Darlene does like Brian, she only let him feel her up so that she could beat Becky to the punch. Dan is astounded (since he always pegged Darlene as an eternal tomboy due to their shared interests) but he seems to take it in stride.
- In this episode Becky makes a comment saying that Darlene has never kissed anybody. But in the season 2 episode "House of Grownups," Darlene said she kissed Mark Winston at her baseball game after he saved her shutout.
- Roseanne (after catching Darlene making out with Brian on the couch): Darlene!
- Darlene (in a little girl's voice): Hi, Mommy.
- Becky: (shocked) No!
- Darlene: (smiles) Ha. I did.
- Dan (to Roseanne): Geez, how come we can't ever do anything fun with Gary and Jackie?
- Roseanne: Because they're family.
- Jackie (about Jackie): Did you notice how her blouse was a little bit...
- Roseanne: Like it hadn't been on her back all night?
- Dan: Darlene! Get down here!
- Roseanne: Dan, that's not going to help.
- Dan: Not in this house it won't. You know the rules. No boys will touch my daughters in my house.
- Roseanne: That won't do anything, the only thing that'll do is make sure she has a family of four by the time she graduates high school!
- Darlene: Yeah?
- Dan: Get back upstairs!
- Roseanne (to Becky and Darlene): Listen girls. Sex, is something that is not even gonna be good until you're, you know, older.
- Becky: Mother...
- Roseanne: No, no we never really talked about sex and I think we should have that discussion now.
- Darlene: Alright, go ahead.
- Roseanne (runs her hand over her face as she talks): Well, uh, if you were to uh... do it now, sure you were to have some pleasure, but it would be a lot better.
- Darlene: What you're tryin' to say is that we're far too young to be going all the way.
- Becky: Both you're body and mind have to reach a certain maturity.
- Roseanne: Yeah...
- Darlene: And you don't wanna regret it later.
- Becky: And hey you have to love the guy.
- Darlene: You have to respect him or it's meaningless.
- Roseanne: Yeah and you...no you'd have to make sure that...
- Roseanne & Darlene: And he needs to respect you.
- Roseanne: Well, I guess I feel real good about our little chat here you guys feel good about it?
- Darlene: Absolutely.
- Becky: Definitely.
- Roseanne: That's great, good night, I love you. (leaves)
- Becky: How lame.
- Darlene: Tryin' to look all grown-up for 'Robert'?
- Becky: Get human, Darlene.
- Darlene (smirking): I hear he does the nasty with college girls.
- (Dan looks up sharply)
- Roseanne: Well, I certainly hope he gets extra credit for that.
- Becky: He just dated a senior who took some college courses! It's no big deal-
- Roseanne: Yeah, sure. (brushing Becky's hair) Whattaya think, Dan? Pigtails and ribbons?
- Dan: (watching TV) works for me.
- Becky: Forget it, I'll do it myself!
- Darlene: Good luck covering up those fresh zits tonight, Princess!
- Becky: You're just jealous 'cause I'm anatomically correct!
- Darlene: And I bet you can't wait to show Robert!