| Season 5: Episode 11|
(108 / 231 episodes)
|Air date||December 1, 1992|
|Written by||Eric Gilliand|
|Directed by||Andrew D. Weyman|
Good Girls, Bad Girls
It's No Place Like Home for The Holidays
Of Ice and Men was the 11th episode of Season 5 of Roseanne, also the 108th overall series episode. Written by Eric Gilliand, the episode was directed by Andrew D. Weyman. It originally aired on ABC-TV on December 1, 1992.
Dan loves that DJ wants to be a hockey player but has a hard time teaching him, so Fisher offers to help. Jackie breaks up with him "before he dumps" her "for a younger woman." When Roseanne convinces her to get back together with him, she ends up moving in with him.
After Dan pressures him to find a sport, or activity, D.J. decides that he will become a "Fighting Otter" on ice, as he takes up hockey. With Fisher as a coach, and Darlene explaining the game to him, he quickly becomes a terror on the ice, fouling kids left and right.
Meanwhile, Jackie breaks up with a confused Fisher, with no explanation, and turns to Roseanne for support & D.J. for information. She feels that Fisher is too young for their relationship. After a hard day on the ice, Dan rewards D.J. with his first sip of a beer, and Roseanne rewards Dan with a smack in the head and a lecture. Episode Recap: D.J.'s joined the local hockey team and Dan and Darlene are full of pointers for D.J. on how to cream the others on the ice. However, their well-meaning advice is taken a bit too far and D.J. keeps getting himself into trouble on the ice and nearly thrown off the team after one too many fouls.
Meanwhile, Jackie, who's been dating Fisher for two months, breaks up with him and tells Roseanne and Dan that it's because of the age difference and that Jackie feels self-conscious about dating a much younger man. However, there seems to be more to their breakup than Jackie's revealing since later Jackie's in tears and really depressed.
Roseanne and the rest of the family try to cheer her up, esp. with ice cream, hot tea, and pizza, but to no avail; Jackie just can't stop crying. To complicate matters more, Jackie pleads with Roseanne to try to stop her from wanting to call Fisher. It's very telling when Jackie sobs to Roseanne that at one point, Fisher was sending her flowers very often and always telling Jackie "I love you," which indicates that Jackie was in the grips of a more disturbed relationship with Fisher than she was letting on.
So, all the food in the world doesn't stem Jackie's tears, but Jackie does find the courage to attend her nephew's hockey game. Roseanne, Darlene, and Dan have a very good time cheering D.J. on, despite the times he gets timed out for his fouls. Jackie roots for D.J. with tears still running down her face and blowing her nose into a pile of tissues.
Fisher shows up and he and Jackie see each other. They try to talk, but Roseanne wheedles her way in and cajoles Jackie to try to talk to Fisher more. Jackie decides to give the relationship another try and off they go together to the back.
The episode ends with D.J. bruised in three places on his leg and Jackie back together with Fisher and so ecstatic that she's making plans to move in with him. Roseanne, however, thinks both D.J.'s bruises and Jackie's moving in with Fisher are bad ideas. She also thinks it's a bad idea for Dan to let D.J. sample his beer until Jackie reminds Roseanne that Roseanne let Jackie sample beer when she was D.J.'s age.
- The final scene showed the Conners watching the premiere of "The Jackie Thomas Show." When the episode was repeated on March 30, 1992 and in syndication, the scene was replaced with bloopers from this episode. The DVD also shows the bloopers.
- Jackie [about Fisher]: By the time he's ready for kids, all my eggs will be dried up.
- Darlene: DJ's gonna play hockey? He can't even walk on land!
- Dan: There's a lot of excitement here at the Lanford Arena as we enter the second period of the Otters' home opener. The goalie has just returned from the restroom, and the action is resuming. The Cinderella story of the evening continues to be young D.J. Conner, on the ice much to the surprise of his entire family! There's a breakaway! There's a breakaway! Young Conner moves towards the goal! He shoots! Oh! He forgot the puck!
- Dan [to DJ]: Why dont you call a friend?
- DJ: I don't have any friends.
- Dan: Well, what happened to all of the friends that you made playing soccer?
- DJ: They wanted to shave my head, and paint it black & white!
- DJ: Mom, I'm gonna be a hockey player!
- Roseanne: Great, we'll save all that money on toothpaste!
- Darlene [as DJ sits in the penalty box]: Here ya go DJ, I brought ya some nachos. I'll bring a drink next penalty.
- DJ: Hey, Aunt Jackie! My knee is three different colors!
- Jackie: That's great, DJ! You must be really proud, Dan.
- Roseanne: Well, Dan...I guess you were just so proud of your son ramming and slamming into people out there, that you just couldn't wait to celebrate by giving him his very first sip of beer!
- Dan: Had to. The hooker made him nervous.
- Jackie: Oh, c'mon, Roseanne! You gave me my first sip of beer!
- Roseanne: That was different. I was drunk!
- Jackie: If you can't support me, then stay out of it.
- Roseanne: Oh, right, you know that I can't stay out of it!
- Fisher: Better keep Dan off of his feet.
- Roseanne: That won't be a problem, I'll just strap a pair of skates on him.